Nervous Novelist

I never thought I would see the day when I could actually turn round to people and say that I had written a novel. But I have and I do. Not only have I done that but I have actually sent away the first the chapters and a synposis attached to my initial email as requested by the agent I would like to represent me.

I don't recall feeling as nervous as I did that Tuesday when I had pressed the send button and everything disappeared from my screen and winged its way to its destination. Those first few seconds after it had gone I felt a surge of nerves and excitment. It was better than the feeling when I had known the last of my exams were over at high school; and so I told everyone that I had finally plucked up the courage and done it.

Now I am nearly two weeks on since pressing that send button. The one which is going to let me know whether I am really any good or not as a novelist. I still have a long wait for a reply I hasten to add. It will be at least six weeks before I hear anything and even then it will depend on how busy they are at the other end. All I can do is wait. But it is like waiting for that dreaded brown envelope containing the certificate with my exam results on it. Nerves are beginning to grow and I still have at least a month. But I have to admit even thought there are all these emotions running rampant I am glad that I took the plunge and didn't. If I hadn't then I would be regretting it right now. All I can do is sit and wait and get on with the sequel. To many ideas so little time.

What is it about nerves?

I am an emotional person. I always have been. That is a part of my life. I know this and have accepted this fact. Nothing is going to ever change that. But what is it about nerves?

I am not nervous all the time don't get me wrong but. There is always a but isn't there? whenever I have an interview or sit and exam, or in this instance sent an email with the first three chapters of my first ever book along with the synopsis as requeste, my nerves just kick in. I can't help it. They weren't there two seconds before I sent the email but as soon as I pressed the send button then every single nerve I possess came out of hibernation. Followed very quickly by a feeling of euphoria.

I don't regret what I have done. I always wanted to be able to say that I have written a novel and tried to get it published but it is just that initial pressing the send button and knowing that I have actually done it. No sooner had the nerves kicked in then they disappeared again and all I wanted to do was tell all my friends that I had actually had the guts to do. Numerous texts and phone calls later and I am still on a bit of a high. The nerves have disappeared but the feeling of euphoria is still at it's peak and those ants have now come out of hibernation. Why can't it just be one thing at a time? It takes me until about midnight to actually calm down again to be able to sit in my seat without wriggling about. Don't even ask me to go to bed at that point there is just no way I am going to be able to get to sleep.

I must try and find something that takes my mind of it but the only thing I can think of is starting the next novel. Hhhhhmmmmm might let those nerves calm down a bit more. Sleep seems more valueable than starting a novel right away. Especially a half past midnight.